Monday, January 31, 2005

Sizzle Frogs

One time when I was 12 I thought I'd be really sneaky and surprise the mail lady with 3 frogs jumping out at her from the mailbox as she delivered the mail.

I came out a day later to notice 3 coaster-like frog skin/skeletons crispy on the ground. I guess in my excitement of the prank I had forgotten that even in Michigan in the summer, it can get a little toasty inside of a metal mailbox.

I didn't mean to kill them I swear. I love frogs.

Chad and I used to catch them all the time at Columbia Creek park. We would swing from the tire swing and jump into the creek and swim, catching enormous bullfrogs and crayfish that were plentiful. It was a great time.

Screw money.

Sunday, January 30, 2005



I think it's time for an explanation as to why I call this blog the Girl Scout Militia. When I was in high school / Going into college, I kept going to all of these websites which would ask me for my business's name, and of course I didn't have one.

So one time I was bored and I just started thinking of why the Girl Scout's need to fundraise all the time. With the selling of baked goods & popcorn or whatever the heck else they sell door-to-door or through their parents, I thought they must have a pretty nice stash of cash.

Couple that thought with the idea of uniforms and certain survival skills (while probably not nearly as vital as the Boy Scouts), I figured they had the logistics and training to make such an idea viable.

So here the Girl Scouts are, at your door smiling with your boxes of Samoa's (my favorite, you can talk about yours), in the mean time money is being laundered and through various funneling channels back to buy nuclear arms and pay for more training operations for whenever their skills are needed (and that day is coming).

So I started using the Girl Scout Militia as my personal company name, and my mom started getting scared that the government was going to start paying extra attention to mail and different things that would come to the door for my militia group (being in Michigan, we love our militias). I think it's a great idea, and I thought I'd claim the name before the Girl Scouts' become forthright about their activities, but I'm glad to have exposed them first.

Ok enough from me.

Today's Quote:

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.
~Edmund Burke

Saturday, January 29, 2005


I just watched a fascinating movie in "The Butterfly Effect". It really makes me think as I look around my really messy room (I'll clean that later), and ponder about where I am in life. There are very few situations that I would change if I could, because I'm pretty satisfied with life, but I think we're supposed to be more than satisfied.

I know of at least 2 situations, one when I was 11, and another when I was 21, that I would try to go back and make different if I could, but I'd probably just F things up worse anyways :).

The way things did happen, I remember being the oldest of the kids, and therefore receiving the most punishment. I remember pummeling the crap out of my younger siblings in response to that, and taking on a bitter and somewhat "older than I am" sense to handle things. Of course I did have more responsibility, but I think I developed the way I deal with people due to these situations (but doesn't everyone).

I remember thinking I had to protect the other kids beyond all else, even though I wasn't very nice to them, and the stress that put on me. I remember not being really allowed to have friends over to the house. But I remember the sense of family we had, since it was about all we had, and the effort that got spent on us to try and make us happy.

I remember going to a counselor, with him on a "walk", and not wanting to say anything about the event when I was 11, because I really didn't know what to say, and I still don't know what to say. At least I have established some feelings on the matter by now, and I guess I counseled myself to this point, and come to grips that what's done has been done, and believing that everything happens for a purpose.

Look how much we as humans are able to think. I can implicitly declare that everything happens for a reason, and then through inference prove it to myself by "thinking" out the events that happened as a result of a particular occurrence of the past.

I love our god-given ability to think and create anything we put our mind to. That is freedom.

Change the now.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


One reason for my faith is that there is only one person in history that has ever fought for me out of love. That is Christ. I have had mothers, girlfriends, wives, friends, and other acquiantances that when tested, faltered, and wouldn't put their love for me past the struggle they were looking at.

Only one figure in history that didn't back down.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


When did my brain stop controlling my body? Do you stop being smart at a certain point? Why does everyone become the same person?

I strive to be like other people, for what reason? Do I want to be one of them? Do I want to make them happy? When do you stop living for yourself and start doing what others want you to? Everyone sells themself, where's your price?

Why is there so much detail in life? I am trying my hardest to live life in the "big picture", which we're told so often to try to see, but that isn't working. We all need a copy of ourself to do the things we don't want to, and deal with the not so fun stuff.

Ring around the rosy

People should always strive to improve themselves. Too many are satisfied with what they're used to.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Chili burp


That's supposed to represent something. I always thought it was amazing when I went to college, and everyone said "hi" to one another when they were in passing. Being a very shy person in high school, I would never have thought to be forward and talk to people in public, I was pleasantly surprised that people at my college were willing to greet complete strangers while walking across campus.

Now I know that it is simply an adult formality, which comes from years of knowing things that you're simply "supposed" to do, like thank people for gifts, being polite, returning phone calls, being on time, and being courteous to people you meet at random.

Formalities are fun, huh? I would agree with that until a person gets stressed or encounters problems. Leading our college class council, taking a full load of 18 credits, working 25+ hours a week, and trying to eat and maintain a healthy social life are very tough for a college student. Couple that with feeling like you have to look up and smile at everyone walking by to say "hi" when you could care less, kinda sucks at some point.

I know a guy who at his work is pretty stressed out, and plenty of people come with him for questions of help every day, but he still manages to try to humor as many people as possible and keep it all under control.

Is he thinking about that kind of stuff on a Saturday afternoon watching college football? I doubt it. Don't put a creature in a foreign habitat. Of course being nice is something I always want to do, but when did I become subservient? I love a challenge, and will do what it takes to get by. Why do I want to get by? Why don't I take charge of everything and change it all to fit what I want from life.

Good question, it's time to start doing it. Like they say, life doesn't wait for you.

P.S. As an aside from some of the crap in the middle of what I was talking today. Don't you hate people that talk like they know what they're talking about, but you know they don't? I've only met 2 extreme cases of this in my life, initials J.F. and M.R., but they know how to talk business (or at least use the catch phrases they've picked up), but when it comes down to them and you having to do the work, you know who will be doing the work. I figure it only lasts so long.

P.P.S. Had some good chili tonight....

I like to know there's a positive and negative ebb and flow to life and blogs. On a positive note, I get to go visit T.C. this weekend, and I am so happy about that. One person that truly is able to make me drop and forget everything that happens and smile like a retard - so the smile at the beginning was real :).

Monday, January 17, 2005

* Asterisk *

Hey people that don't read this,

Why are some people lazy and others try for things? Why do I ask questions? We make what we want out of life. This is no more apparent than in some people that I've recently met. People think they 'need' things, or that certain things will make them happy, while they are staying in the same state in life as they always have been, and always will be (or so they hope).

I have one friend that thinks you need to be wealthy to enjoy life. What is wrong with that picture? They honestly think that if you were poor, or struggled a little bit to get by, that you couldn't get just as much or more enjoyment than someone who got to buy whatever they wanted.

I know that I was once poor, living on poverty, having to go to clothing banks and pick through other peoples' giveaway clothes, the ones that they didn't think were good enough for them anymore, but those they thought some sap like me could use. I remember using food stamps at the grocery store to buy gum so that my mom could have the change from these purchases just for a little more cash money. I remember the embarrassment of tearing those stupid coupons out of the books while people who had the dough behind us in line at the cashier watched.

Things are rough sometimes, where do we earn appreciation? If we think we always need to be wealthy, that is probably because it is a goal of ours, or it is all we have ever seen. If the people who thought that way were to suddenly find themselves out of work, or in a drastic turn of events, what would they do? Probably survive, and make it, even if it weren't at the standard they were used to, and probably at some point they would have a happy moment, even if it weren't to come from their money.

Another friend I know doesn't want to learn any more skills because they figure they can just pay someone whose time isn't worth as much to do it. Boy what a sack of crap that is. I think all people's time is worth the same, especially initially through potential, and that we shouldn't think just because a person doesn't make as much measurable wealth as us, that they should be slaves doing lesser work.

I know that personally I'm always trying to find those things I don't know to do, just to have a larger skill set to draw from if the times ever get tough. This coupled with the need to feel like a real man :), cause me to change my own oil, and find other 'manly' things to do sometimes, because I don't want to only be associated with computers. They definitely make the money right now, but I don't think I can expect that to last forever.

In an aside:

I think we all need to offer up a prayer for Doug Brien and the way the game was lost on Saturday. That was just unfortunate, because of how they gave the game to the lousy Pittsburgh Steelers, who lucked into another win. Very disappointing, sorry Dougie.

In another aside:

Posts to this blog are going to be sporadic on weekends, but I will try to post on weekdays as well as I can...

Song of the day:

"Look What You've Done" -- Jet

Ching ching ching....

Friday, January 14, 2005

Dirty Freakin' Chimichanga

Hey y'all,

This is just a stupid post from something I wrote when I was living in a crazy situation during the summer of '03. I'm pooped so I'm not thinking tonight, I should be back tomorrow though:

While I’m able to think, I’ve decided to journal some of those thoughts, so as to have something to laugh at when I’m 40.

I think the mind is a powerful tool, especially when applied with good purpose, and thus I hope the purpose of these writings is to inspire and intrigue with thought, as well as to further the good of myself and common man.

I am living in what I would consider a poor man’s circus. At first I thought it was a good deal. I was married, and in the paper it was offered a house renting at the tune of $700 a month. That should have raised an alarm in my head, but being an ignorant fool fond of being frugal I decided to take a chance. Bad Move. Moving in an old lady greets us at the door, wondering who in the world we are. After we get that across, we are told that she also rents a bedroom, but that she is not at home on the weekends, and would not normally be seen or heard. No big deal we figure. Beyond that, another divorced 30-something year old male rents the basement apartment. Again, not a huge deal in our book, although this is starting to seem like 3 (or 4’s) company. A month later, my wife leaves me (for different reasons). Then the landlady decides to go crazy at this point. Knowing that she has wanted to build a new deck, she decides to hire a few random Mexicans from Arlington (we are 40 miles West, in Haymarket, VA). Wanting to save some of her cash, she decides the Mexicans can spend the night on the couch (for 4 nights). To keep it safe (or to have an affair with the head deck constructor), my landlady decides to stay at the house as well, in another bedroom upstairs. So here’s the picture. One divorced man downstairs. 2 Mexicans sleeping on the couches on the main floor living room. Myself (a separated 23 year old male), an older woman (probably 70 something), and my landlady each sleeping in different bedrooms on the top floor.

Things could be considered just in bad taste, yet it gets better. The landlady decides to put on an audible show for us (me and the old lady – 70), having an affair to the loudest extent in her bedroom, providing entertainment for all in the house. I go to bed during the middle of the sex-spree, semi-laughing myself to sleep out of pure insanity. Getting up the next morning, I find an empty wine glass outside my bedroom door on the floor. Thinking, my landlady must have been getting tipsy with wine, I get ready in the normal routine. Yet this morning could not be normal, no it had to be different. Stepping out of the shower I go to brush my teeth. Here comes the sound of the horizontal tango, entertaining me while I clean my bicuspids.

I try to create a void of pornographic things in my life, including those made by vocal chords, but it is very hard in a house with thin walls. Having enough of the laughter generated inside out of disgust, I email my landlady later on in the day so as to lay into her with embarrassment. I make slanted comment after slanted comment, making her beet red in the process and unlikely to ever find foreplay & acts of the flesh permissible again with me, the old lady, the other divorced guy, and of course the 2 random generic Mexicans sleeping on the couch ever again.

Result of fiasco:

$75 lower rent,
a lost bottle of Buffalo Wild Wing’s Blazin’ Sauce,
one lost bottle of sun tan lotion,
a missing pizza,
and more stress leading to an increased sense of anxiousness towards my November lease ceasing.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Freedom Fries


Going somewhat off from yesterday is another thing I find interesting. Why do people continue to try to figure things out and make statements, after we've found how just about everything ever decided has been contradicted or laughed at by later generations?

Does failure breed success? I've often been told that you have to mess up to try harder and get it right next time. So do we do what we do knowing it is currently a success later seen as a failure?

I think more that people fail so as to look good in this generation. You're the man if you say something that causes your peers to agree with you and take it as fact. Meanwhile there's always that person, the innovator, that knows better than you, or so he thinks, and is either tweaking your philosophy or contradicting it completely, in such a way to gain approval from his peers, and eventually be proven wrong again in the cycle.

Like I said before, I believe in God as an absolute, and I've questioned myself time and time again as to why I believe what I believe, and it hasn't changed, but is in fact the one truth I've embraced to the point where I don't see it being challenged in my lifetime. The rest of life is fair game.

I don't see gravity being around forever. That big earth quake that happened over in the Ocean of South Asia, supposedly put a 'wobble' in the earth's rotation. Seems that enough wobbles or adjustments to earth's rotation could seriously F up earth's spin and orbit, and send gravity to the crapper.

There go all the accomplishments, and we're back to square one with nothing gained.

I'm guilty of thinking I'm right most of the time, but I will definitely give up my position if someone else's is obviously better or more thought out. I know a lot of people that will not. So are they wrong, or did they subconsciously figure out the theory I talked about before? (trick question, both options in the sentence are implicitly the same)

So what's the alternative to this? To do nothing, because what we do is wrong and will be laughed at or "improved" later. Or do people continue to make those statements, for the "good" of the future?

It'd be interesting to see the earth with people that started all over again. I wonder what the differences would be like. Unfortunately in the middle of it all we had all those empire things that helped everyone to think very similarly. I'm not talking about races, but instead the minds and philosophies that people had when they were on their own, and that many more diverse cultures could come up with.

Maybe the Nazis were just trying to preserve culture by building the Berlin wall, and it would have been better to leave up. We say people get diverse by bringing them together, but in reality we just get soup.

I hated the mixing bowl vs. melting pot debate in high school :).

Even though I don't necessarily believe that aliens exist, I think the biggest benefit and thrill of finding them would be to see those differences their ideologies would bring.

Hopefully they would let us live long enough to see them.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Good Day

Hey yo,

How do you decide when a day has been a good day? Is it a comparison to other recent days you've just been through? Is there a certain percentage of good that has to happen to outweigh the bad? It's certainly not a pure number of events, because definitely one really crappy moment or important thing can 'ruin' a day, or make even the worst day good.

On any scale, I'd have to say today was a good day. Things at work went pretty well, I didn't have any unforeseen bad things happen to me, and I am still alive and able to post to this piece of crap blog, so I must be doing something right. I can see the stress level of the near future going down, which in any sense is good because it has been too high lately.

Measuring good days is very relative. I have to admit that I personally hate relativism. I hate that a lot of people don't find a common yardstick to rule what is right and what's wrong, and that we try to assume there is a collective moralism that helps us judge that, when we know we will trump it depending on our mood and if we can find something relative to excuse us from adhering to it.

However, good days are a certain relativism I can be glad for, because even though I cannot pinpoint what brings the smile to my face or takes my attention away from some bad things in life, I definitely feel good on the inside enough to know that it's not as bad as another day, and is in fact a much better one.

Why do people get mad? I had a psychologist ask me one time why I did not get mad after a certain event which I assume normally makes people mad. That question was what upset me. What good does it do a person to get mad? Do actual results come from that? I found it funny for a person that is supposed to help someone with things they are going through, to tell her client that he should get mad. I instantly felt like the smarter person in the room and that I was going to get no help there.

Why? Because intelligence is definitely rooted in logic and with logic a determined peace. I have vowed to myself to always try to make sense of a conflict I have with another person, and to try to use any understanding I get to resolve that with the person. Now, unfortunately this theory doesn't apply very well when a person is mad at me, because I can't avoid laughing my head off at inopportune times and probably making a situation worse. That isn't to say I wouldn't try to work with them to help them be less mad at me, I just don't understand madness enough to be sensitive to it, and so I make things worse for myself.

Don't be mad get glad. It always sounds like the easy answer that won't really happen, but you can definitely fool yourself into a good mood if you try hard enough. And why not, people may say you're in denial or hiding things to not confront them, but why not be happy when you can, bad things will likely happen sometime, and you might as well have something to look back on.

I feel like I haven't said anything tonight, but sometimes it's not the point.

Monday, January 10, 2005

No Corners

Hey me,

The thought of the day is on the well-rounded individual. I have always taken pride on the fact that I think I am one of the more well-rounded acquaintances one can make in a lifetime. Not to say I'm a complete renaissance man, because I think that that person should be good at everything he takes up, but I definitely try to dabble in activities from every facet of life.

I regularly workout, read educational literature, keep up on the news, spend time with friends, find time for videogames, keep in regular touch with the family, and try to please the bosses on a daily basis (all while trying to go to bed by 11PM on workdays).

Why do we tell people that doing all of this is the way to get the most out of life? "Don't waste a moment because you may regret it later." What the crap is that? :). I mean honestly giving a half-hearted effort on a myriad of things so that you think you are busy or do a lot is just fooling yourself.

In that instance, nobody thinks you're great, when people know you they generally know you for a "thing" or something that they notice you do, but hardly ever is it for all of the simple and complicated things that make you you, or that you put effort into doing.

I used to think it was great that I didn't become one of the stereotypical computer nerds when I began my life as a computer science major in college. While other people are busy investing half of their lifetime building up alternate personas in hyperspace (Everquest, Worlds of Warcraft), I spent time trying to meet new people, exercising, growing closer to God.

I never regret for a moment doing all of those different things, but you have to wonder what the best approach is. Maybe a person should become unilateral in their personal affairs, and just become really really good at one or two different things. It is only then that a person really becomes "famous", because they are better than everyone else at one cool thing, it is very rare that you ever hear of someone being the best at more than one thing, so why does everyone try?

I'm pretty sure I could master something simple like peeling potatoes (actually I quite enjoy it, it relaxes me), but then the challenge comes of making peeling potatoes really cool. I mean some people genuinely respect and value what I say, but I think I would have a hard time even convincing them that it was an activity worth vesting their interest in. Oh well, I guess I can just wait until TV begins to cover more worthwhile events.

A philosophical question remains on whether choice is really better or not. I feel guilty for offering one in the last sentence, but when presenting the uninformed with alternatives where the consequences are not known, and the benefits not fully realized, how can we ever decide what's best. Compulsiveness sets in at some point in the equation, but when, and where do we satisfice?

I have always wished there was more than one life on earth to live, and yes it's because I enjoy many things here, and I do wish I could try to be many different people, given the opportunity. Maybe I think that because I have not yet seen why the path that I am taking is the best for me in my lifetime, and that living another life would not be worth it because of all the good things that will come from this one.

Wow, at least that's a positive thought to go to sleep on.


Sunday, January 09, 2005

Make sense of this

Do you ever find it funny that as we get older we enjoy things that make less and less sense? I mean of course as babies we start out being stimulated by basic colors and shapes, but those are all based on things that are pretty normal, and understandable. But as soon as we can, we begin to memorize songs, rhymes, and enjoy coloring pictures and watching TV shows that are based on sound logic, even if they do happen to use fictional characters that don't make a lot of sense (i.e. large purple dinosaurs, turtles that stand up and wield nunchakus).

Now as we get older, we start to enjoy things that are "deep" or that don't really make much sense (and believe me, if you asked a child about some of it they would think you were weird). People start to think they enjoy "abstract" art, which is basically justification of a crappy artist trying to play on our primitive childlike fascination with basic color and shape, but you are uncultured if you don't make up some other meaning behind their B.S. artwork.

This website is great. It is simple, plain, and serves a purpose, even if that purpose is to allow someone like me to rant and rave about bull hooey that doesn't matter to anyone :).

So is maturity linked to your ability to enjoy things that really suck? I only bring this up because I notice myself enjoying music that makes less and less sense, but is basic at it's core.

(SIDE NOTE): I've decided through my blog that I will refer to friends as 2 initials that either do or don't represent their actual names.

A good personal friend this summer "T.C." got me interested in a band called "The Postal Service", which is at its heart basic techno beats and tones, with very simple lyrics put over top to create an easy music project, the CD they released. The band put it together by sending each other tracks through the mail, which is the premise they used to name the band. So I enjoy this band, and now I've discovered the singer's main band, "Death Cab for Cutie", and I'm starting to enjoy that as well.

Does this satisfy some deeper need of mine? Does the music itself make me happier, or is it experiences I think of when I hear that music. Who knows, and who really cares. I just wonder why I can't sing "she'll be comin 'round the mountain when she comes" the rest of my life and play with my ninja turtle figures (I had them all by the way, everybody had at least one). That was way before we had to think if we were spending our time in useful ways.

P.S. for the day. Don't hate on people. That sucks.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

First time's a charm

Hey Everyone,

Well I'm not sure who is going to be reading this yet, but I've moved away from creating my own website (I know, strange for a computer science major) to using this editor to compile my thoughts. It may be strange to many of you that I actually have thoughts, but occasionally I even surprise myself.

But on to the dribble:

I've found myself wondering what there is to do anymore. It is odd to be 24, and thinking I've been through everything in life. It is obvious I haven't, but when your line of sight is limited to the current week, it seems as if you've done it all before.

Wow, isn't that uplifting? :).

It's funny, because I believe in God, and that Jesus is our savior, but there are definitely times where I can understand a futilist's point of view or anyone's who finds it hard to see a point in life.

I'm thinking there needs to be a daily or weekly thing for this blog, and I'm soliciting anyone who might read this to let me know what "my thing" could be, that could be featured here on a periodic basis. If I don't get a response I'll come up with one myself, but I've always been a big fan of at least feigning democracy before making the decision I think is correct :), guess that's why I voted for Bush.

Signing off.